Because it's all over now
by iamsmartsobeware
Summary: In 1980 Eric and Donna have rekindled their relationship, Hyde has found himself a job, Kelso is happy with Brooke and the baby, Fez is making plans and Jackie is doing nothing. Or is she? Recalling her past Jackie is stuck between what she wants or what she thinks is right for her. And as usual Hyde isn't exactly going to make it easy for her. I suck at summaries.


_Hiiii. So I came up with this story when I was just basically doing nothing. And after rewatching season 7 again and crying because of how awful season 8 is, I decided to start writing and see just whatever comes of it and so this happened. I'm really excited because I think that for a change something could actually come of this and yeah.. By the way this has no Jackie and Hyde interaction yet, but she thinks of him an awful lot. Nevertheless, I hope you'll still enjoy the chapter._

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><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

She was alone – again.

When was there a time where she wasn't alone? She hated being alone, she'd always run for comfort, but nevertheless she always was.

There was nobody who would stay with her if she pleaded just long enough, no one to hold her in their arms and whisper calming words into her ear, nobody who would kiss the pain away and promise to hold her close to them forever.

No, nobody at all. Everybody was gone.

Going on a date to the movies, taking care of their daughter or meeting up at the Hub.

Everybody was having fun but her because lately nothing she did would bring her any kind of joy. It would just leave her alone with no emotions at all.

She needed to find some place to fit in, but she just couldn't.

She of all human beings – the one who was afraid to be alone the most – was alone, locked inside a room with a TV and a bowl of popcorn placed on her lap. She honestly didn't even have the slightest clue what was happening in that movie she'd been watching for about one and a half hours, but she didn't care a lot either.

All that counted was that she was alone – left behind by her own boyfriend, one who didn't bother to ask what was going on with her, why she was acting the way she was.

Then again: Would she give him an answer?

Probably not and he knew that.

He was her boyfriend after all.

She shouldn't call him that though. It didn't feel right. It never had.

It felt like cheating. And cheating was the worst thing that could ever happen to you, she knew that. And never would she feel that pain again. She wouldn't go through it again. Not with him.

She didn't know how long it took for him to come back, but to be honest she wasn't even counting.

Because she simply didn't care.

About anything at all, just like nobody actually seemed to give a shit about her.

Fez came in the minute the movie (whatever it was about) ended.

Jackie didn't even look up to see if he had had fun, if he was happy to be back, or if he regretted getting with her in the first place. It's not that he wanted her to know anyway.

He sighed when he saw her sitting motionless on the bare floor, her hand instinctively shoving a hand full of popcorn into her mouth. That's when he decided to walk up to her, dropping down next to her on the carpet.

"You feeling better?", he asked hesitantly, not sure what answer to expect.

She just shrugged as if it was nothing important – nothing worth caring.

"It's okay.", she murmured, though she didn't sound very convincing.

He looked at her like that for a long time before he finally got up.

"We can't keep this going, Jackie. I'm sick of this.", he complained, trying to catch her eye.

It was the first time he said anything, maybe he thought pretending like everything was normal would eventually lead to her acting like herself again – like the self-absorbed shallow little brat she was. It had taken him long enough to figure out that this was not the case.

Jackie didn't answer to that, she didn't say anything, she never did lately.

Fez continued:

"I mean sex is great and all, but we should hang out too sometimes. We shouldn't stick to this weird way of making out, having sex and then going to sleep in separated bed rooms. God, I think I'll move in with you. We barely talk. And I asked Kelso and Hyde about it and it hasn't always been that way obviously. I'm not used to this. You usually enjoy talking even more than putting Eric or Donna down!"

Jackie gasped in horror.

"What do you mean by moving in with me? We're already sharing an apartment.", she remarked, trying to keep all Zen like Steven once had taught her.

She gulped and furrowed an eyebrow angrily.

Why Steven? Why – of all people – Steven?

And why was she constantly getting the impression that she was making things worse for them when he had made it pretty clear that he hated her again?

And why would she not want to move in with Fez?

He was her sweet, loving and caring boyfriend, the one she could always rely on. Though she was aware that it was not to last long enough for her to get anything out of it.

And she also knew that she couldn't have him dump her. She just couldn't. She would not bear the embarrassment and loneliness that came with not being in a relationship. Donna might handle that, but not her. Call her pathetic for that, that was Jackie Burkhart and no one could ever be responsible for the way they worked.

"Jackie? What's wrong?", Fez asked worriedly.

She didn't bother to respond.

What would he make of it anyway? It was pointless. She could be Fez' girlfriend for the rest of her life, she could get married to him and pretend to be all overwhelmed about his sudden proposal for all she cared, but she knew she wouldn't.

But she also knew that she couldn't go through another break-up because she wouldn't live through that. After all it'd only weaken her and she was living in a time where she couldn't afford to become even weaker than she already was - especially not with Steven always being nearby to make fun of her.

Jackie noticed that Fez had pulled her into a hug. Looking up from her lap she caught his big, brown eyes staring directly into hers.

"Come on, Jackie. Moving in with me will certainly make you feel a whole lot of better. I know that you're not the happiest at the moment, but I can make you. I can help you become yourself again. And I will. I will not fall asleep before I have made sure I saw you laugh at least once a day."

Jackie looked at him and sighed reluctantly.

He was all she was looking for in a man. He was charming, willing to take care of her if she only let him and supportive of everything she'd do.

How come she didn't want him like that anyway?

How come every time he pulled her in a passionate kiss, she'd just turn away, how come every time they had sex, she'd always end up looking for a suitable explanation to justify the lack of enthusiasm coming along? It didn't make any sense at all.

Why did she do that? Why did she _have _to do that? Why if she loved him?

"_Jacks_.", he mumbled.

She shivered involuntarily.

_Jacks._

She wasn't used to people calling her that. Actually nobody but one person had ever called her that. Jackie swallowed hard once, then shook her head with determination, focusing on a random point somewhere behind Fez.

"I'm sorry, Fez, but I can't. Honestly, it's … I just can't do it."

Fez frowned, clearly confused.

"What do you mean?", he asked sceptically, looking at her with an almost demanding glance.

The most demanding he'd ever get.

She shrugged, turning away, then looking back at him, forcing a smile.

"I need some space, y'know.", she said more to herself than him really, not paying attention at all.

Fez looked at her for a moment completely incredulously, then he started to chuckle. Quietly to be fair, but he was definitely chuckling.

"Jackie .. You never need space. I mean: You're you.", he tried to explain, longing for words, but failing them eventually.

Jackie just stared at him motionlessly. What was she supposed to do?

He was right after all. All she knew right now was that she certainly did _not want to _move in with Fez, even if she should want to. But she didn't.

"No, seriously. What's the matter?", Fez repeated, finally recovering from whatever had amused him so much.

Jackie shrugged again. She sighed, throwing a short glance at him.

She was so tired.

Exhausted.

Done with everything.

She was sick.

Sick of it.

Of everyone.

"I can't move in with you, Fez. I'm sorry."

He wrinkled his nose, clearly annoyed with that vague apology.

"Why not?"

Jackie laughed unhappily, getting up, staring at him apologetically.

"How am I supposed to know?", she shot back, flipping back a strand of black hair furiously.

"If you don't know it, how should I understand it?"

"I don't know, okay? It's just.. I just can't move in with you. I need some time. Alright?", she said, almost pleadingly, eyeing him cautiously.

Fez turned around confused, then something seemed to hit him.

"Right, time to sort out all those unresolved feelings you have for Hyde.."

This hadn't been a question. This hadn't been joke. This had been pure sternness.

And what was even funnier about it was that that was exactly what Jackie had hoped for.

She was sick of being something along the way. She didn't want to be that girl.

She loved jealousy, she had enjoyed Steven's jealousy much more than she'd let herself admit. And she wanted Fez to be jealous, wanted him to care, to realize just how much worth she was, how much she meant to him. Though she didn't need someone to tell her that this wasn't about Fez actually. But she didn't dare to think any further. She never did lately. Maybe that was the reason why she somehow got the impression to become equally dumb as Kelso.

However, Jackie didn't say anything.

Fez groaned bitterly.

"Gosh, really, Jackie. I love you and all, but this is creeping me out. Please say something. If this is because of Hyde, I need to know it."

Quickly, Jackie turned around - too quickly maybe.

"This is _not _about Steven, Fez. How could it be? Steven and I are done. And I would be grateful if you finally realized this, too.", she snapped, pretending like this was all they had talked about in the last two months, when actually this was the first time he'd ever mentioned her previous relationship.

But she liked to pretend.

Damn it, she needed to get over with this. It wasn't good for her, not that anything about Steven Hyde had ever been good for her.

Though, she had to admit that being with him had taught her a lot, she couldn't bring herself to care as much about shiny things and presents as she had before. At least not when they came from him.

Not that he would show her any of those grand gestures anyway.

Though, what had being shallow ever done to him other than annoy him? Exactly, who had he been to try and change her? She knew that thinking that was bullshit. If she had kept her priorities straight, she would have never ended up falling completely head over heels in love with Steven Hyde. And after all that _was_ the realest thing she'd ever felt. And she was still grateful for it. Even if she couldn't admit it now.

But obviously after feeling everything came feeling nothing. Which was definitely the case right now. She didn't feel anything. At least not for Fez.

Jackie saw Fez' insecurity, and sighed. He was such a good guy. But, really, she couldn't take any more lies. Ironic for her now, wasn't it?

Sighing, "Please. I can't move in with you. I'm not your puppet on a string. I figured _Hyde _would've at least told you that."

Seeing the insecurity increase and change into hurt, she instantly regretted it. She felt guilty.

Though Steven wouldn't believe that. He was convinced that getting with Fez was her last desperate attempt at breaking up the group, when in reality all she was looking for was love.

Safety. Security. Familiarity.

Though she couldn't help but think that she'd had all that. And then out of insecurity she'd thrown all that away. If Steven hadn't caught Kelso in that stupid towel in her hotel room, bragging all about how they were going to do it, she wouldn't be here.

Hell, she might be on her way to becoming Mrs. Jackie Hyde. But Jackie wasn't stupid.

She knew that it wasn't her fault only.

Steven had made the biggest mistake of his life getting married to that skanky stripper, and he knew it. Only had she been the one to start all this. That's why she couldn't forgive herself. That's why blaming herself was as easy as blaming him. And in a way she always found herself not blaming him at all. Because somehow she still believed that she could have avoided this, avoided becoming Fez' girlfriend just by avoiding to run off scared after not managing to stay long enough to wait for Steven's answer. She had been so stupid. She should have let him talk before jumping to conclusions. The wrong ones as to that.

Looking at Fez again, she remembered that she didn't have much of a choice anymore.

She could fix this or she could stay alone forever.

"Sorry", she whispered, leaning in to give him a peck on the lips.

He tasted an awful lot like chocolate.

She knew she'd have to work on their relationship to build it up and make it become stronger. She knew that because of Steven. She knew too many things from Steven actually. And most important of all was that she knew from him that if she really wanted to go somewhere further, she'd have to sacrifice herself which in this case meant she'd have to let go of her past and move on. Like she'd done before. Yeah, she'd learnt much from him, she thought before pulling Fez in for another kiss, and closing her eyes, she almost had to grin.

Indeed, she'd learnt way too much from him.

_So yeah this was it for now. What'd you think? Let me know. I'd really love to know what you think of it, no matter if you loved it or hated it. ;D_

_-Joy _


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